Accept - Embrace - Submit

 africanization101

I get an untold number of messages in my inbox from anons who all come to me with a similar problem: they are white males who describe themselves as submissive/beta/sissy/wannabe cuckolds or any such term, are deeply unsure about their role in the world and would like to hear my advice on that.

I have talked about this in the past and tried to do the Jordan Peterson bit where I encouraged them to clean their rooms and branch out into the interracial dating market on their own, but this seems to often fall on deaf ears; perhaps because you guys are too busy watching porn, but also, when your testosterone dips below a certain point, I guess the prospect of competing for women feels somewhat daunting.

Recently I had the pleasure of exchanging thoughts with a user who went off anon to contact me and was willing to answer some questions. I think his situation is fairly typical of many anon askers and he was excited to be a bit of case study for this topic, so gosh, I guess we need to talk about white males again, don’t we? They always seem to find a way into the conversation!

White Guy Problems: the cause

I’ve mused at length about the cultural reasons for white male insecurity and we don’t need to rehash it in detail here; suffice it to say that when an overwhelming number of your athletes, musicians, pop culture icons and lately also political actors are people of color, your somewhat justified feeling that you’re losing your somewhat unjustified #1 spot in the world might dampen your self-esteem a bit. More on this topic can be found here or here.

There’s also a biological effect going on in the background, namely that Western men’s testosterone levels have been steadily dropping in the recent past. Notice that the descriptor here is locational (Western) rather than racial, but “Western” is often used as a less fraught stand-in for “white” and we also know testosterone levels are related to life adversity, so sorry, your comfy middle class upbringing really did a bigger number on you there relative to Black and Brown men who had to struggle for a living. Sperm counts have been dropping at the same time of course, but that seems to be more of an effect than a cause.

So what we have here is a situation where our culture isn’t exactly boosting traditional white masculinity while many white men are also drawn towards greater physical and behavioral androgyny by their hormonal biology. Which is perhaps why the biggest beauty influencers on YouTube now look like this:

White Guy Problems: the effect

And this brings us to our case study. He’s a white male entering middle age who doesn’t identify as gay, genderqueer or any other particular label; he’s just doing his thing. He’s had relationships with women in the past, but never felt an urge to assume a dominant position behaviorally or sexually. In fact, he claims he was always aware of his submissive tendencies, but tried not to let it show in order to fit in better as a man.

This somewhat changed after he discovered interracial porn. I’ll let him speak for himself here:

Not only did it show me what sex (real sex) was, it also confirmed and cemented my feelings of inadequacy.  I was hooked! Over time, much spent viewing Black men bringing immense satisfaction to white women, my focus gradually became centred on the main source of that satisfaction:  the Black Man’s penis.  It was as though it became a reference point for all things pleasurable, and my fascination and awe just grew from there.  That Big Black penis was what I was staring at when I furiously rubbed on my own incompetent white penis, so stiff with admiration and respect.

The phallus worship expressed here eventually seeped into real life, where he headed out to a sex shop to look for a physical representation of his desires:

I was going to leave at one point, but I thought since i was there i might as well just get it over and done with, so i picked a 10 inch jet Black realistic looking rubber dong, two bottles of lube, paid for it and left.
I was so relieved to be out of there and couldnt wait to get back to my hotel room. I stripped off and opened the package, and let me tell you, just holding that thing was an amazing rush, feeling the weight and girth of it, and the contrast of it in my white hands.
It was like i was quivering, butterflys in the stomach.

Now you’d be excused to think that this man is just very gay and in denial, but I really don’t think that’s it. For one thing, a submissive gay man wouldn’t necessarily be intimidated by a masculine partner; he’d see him as complementary rather than competition. A gay man would also feel very compelled to just go out and get the real thing, whereas our case study never did. Of course there are closeted gay men who never live out their desires, but they often fell into a heterosexual marriage or their living circumstances make it otherwise impossible to live out their sexuality. This was not the case here.

What this sounds like to me is a fundamentally heterosexual man who, for whatever reason, just doesn’t quite have it in him to be sexually assertive and find or please women that way, and who ends up somewhat transfixed on the kind of man who seems to be able to do that effortlessly. Given the setup of interracial porn and the larger cultural influences on his life, this kind of man ended up being Black, of course. So our white male case study developed a fetish in the original sense of the term: worshiping someone or something for a perceived inherent power. A worship that is tentatively sexual, but never quite crossed that threshold.

Our case study thinks he is somewhat representative of the white men who hang out in circles like these. I’ve certainly met enough of them to say that he’s part of a larger subdemographic, perhaps the largest one.

White Guy Problems: the solution?

I just gave you my best Sigmund Freud impression there, but I’m not a therapist and I’m not quite sure what the proper course of action for someone like this should be. He would probably be quite happy in a cuckold relationship, but this poses the problem of finding a relationship in the first place, which we already discovered was not one of his strong suits. He could try gay sex to see if maybe he likes it enough to pursue it. If the overall male body is a turn-off for him, he could maybe start with a glory hole, where it’s just the phallus.

He also confessed to having a weakness for transgender women, which will probably not surprise anyone. This, too, could unfortunately be a bit of a compatibility problem since he likes them specifically for having a penis while many transgender women embark on their journey specifically because they don’t like having a penis.

Man, these white guy problems are really tough. Of the options listed above, I think the most realistic would be to find a woman who can adapt to his submissive sexual desires and is willing to humor them or maybe even gets off on it herself. I would imagine you don’t need to be a stud to please this kind of a woman; she’d probably be looking for other qualities in the first place. But I couldn’t tell you where to find her, though I have talked to men who did find such women, so it’s clearly not impossible.

In the meantime, I guess he’ll have to keep himself happy with copious amounts of porn, which many white males of his persuasion seem to settle into as a consolation prize. I’m not sure how sound this is in the long term, so I’ll revert to Jordan Peterson again at the end of this post and suggest that cleaning your room and standing up straight with your shoulders back might work wonders for you even if your testosterone levels are a joke compared to your great-grandfather.

And now that I answered this concern in book length, I expect all you betas out there to ask more diverse questions in the future.